


Conceal

by AngelBless



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Some blood but not much, concealed anxiety, set around chapter 3, sorry noct, totally just projecting onto noct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 13:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11276421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelBless/pseuds/AngelBless
Summary: "Today was not shaping up to be a good day."Also known as "Noct hides his anxiety worse than usual"





	Conceal

**Author's Note:**

> Been hit with anxiety the last few days that doesn't wanna leave, so I just sorta wrote this to get the feelings out. Sorry Noct, I'm not sure if this is how I headcanon you or if I'm just projecting. Probably the latter.
> 
> Good titles are and summaries continue to escape me.

Today was not shaping up to be a good day.

Granted, the past few weeks had been pretty damn awful. Insomnia’s fall, his father’s death, just... _ everything _ . But Noctis had said his piece in the Royal Tomb; cried and yelled like a petulant child until he numbly took on his new responsibility. The dust was settling, he needed to do his duty and remain steadfast in the face of what was to come.

But it was so damn  _ hard _ .

He’d never admit it though. Some days he’d wake up, a horrible nagging numbness weighing in the back of his head that crawled down his throat and to his stomach - a warning that the day ahead was going to be a struggle. Everything would just... _ bug him _ . Every little look and conversation held some ulterior meaning, his concentration would fail and he’d lose himself in that moment until someone - usually Gladio - brought him back. But, like a king, he had to carry onward no matter what. He’d swallow the horrid feeling down as best he could and hide under a mask of indifference. It was so much easier to have everyone mad at you than seeing their looks of pity.

It could be  _ so easy _ to come clean about it, especially since the headaches had started. But somehow he even managed to hide the full extent of those too. It was almost scary how easily the worn out excuse of ‘I’m just tired’ was accepted by the others. It soon became effortless to fall back on that lie; much better than acknowledging what was really going on in his head.

But today...today felt worse. He’d already had some pretty vivid nightmare before being startled awake by Gladio roughly shaking his shoulder. His world was already disoriented as he blinked hard to separate the visions from his sleep with what was right in front of him. Prompto started playfully poking him as he struggled to keep his eyes open.  _ Was he always this annoying in the mornings? _

“So glad you could join us, Noct.” Ignis spoke in a chastising tone, not taking his eyes off the newspaper he was so leisurely perusing. Noctis could feel a weight in the pit of his stomach - it was definitely going to be one of  _ those days _ .

“Probably up all night playing games again, right?” Gladio said, shoving Noct’s breakfast at him before taking a seat.

“I, uh…” Noct’s frown deepened, but no one would tell it apart from the scowl of a man who’d been called out. “Y-yeah. That’s it.” Easier to agree than to try and explain. In truth, he’d been kept awake far too long after another tremor had struck Lestallum in the early hours of the morning. It had roused the others from sleep as they tried to grasp what was happening through their drowsy minds, as Noctis remained still, teeth ground together and thankfully unnoticeable by the others as he waited for its effects to finally wear off on him. Sleep had come a lot harder after that, much to his ire; he remembered seeing the light of the new day through the curtains before he finally drifted off once more.

 

Today they were headed south east of Lestallum, after Prompto enthusiastically accepted another job from Vyv. Ignis had expressed his distaste at the detour, noting that they needed to find more information on Titan, but ultimately Noctis couldn’t say no; Prompto’s face lighting up at the chance to show off his skills lifted Noct’s spirits in a way nothing else had that day.

Of course, that meant Ignis was in a less than stellar mood, especially since he was expected to drive them to their destination. But thankfully a few minutes of the blond excitedly telling them what filters he was planning on trying out, then rambling about the different mechanics of his camera, soon took the chill off the advisor’s expression. It was always hard to stay in a bad mood when Prompto was happy.

So then why was his constant talking so grating today? Was Noct’s mood so foul he couldn’t even be glad his best friend was happy? He let out a sigh, chin rested on his arms as he leant on the car door, watching the scenery fly by. He kept letting his gaze drift to the Disc, trying to piece together the fragments of images he’d seen whenever the ground had shook. There was no doubt that the Archean was the cause of the quakes  _ and _ his headaches - why, he had no clue. He wished they could just get on with it, see what the Astral wanted as quickly as possible, but then he remembered how annoyingly well he’d hidden any signs of pain from the quakes. Even if Ignis wanted to move things along, he still wouldn’t rush anything if there was no immediate issues.

They’d been on the road for a while. Noct had miraculously managed to tune out a good amount of the chatter around him, withdrawing further into his own little bubble. It felt nice there; disconnected but with a lot less chance of messing anything up.

“Hey, over there’s a photo spot I heard about! Can we go?”

He tried not to cringe as Prompto turned to look directly at him, before finally sitting upright again. “Sure, why not?”

Ignis sighed as he spun the car around, travelling down what was clearly the opposite route to their intended destination. By the time they’d pulled up and taken the picture, the sun was a fair way across the sky. Noct looked at his phone. 3pm.

“We stand little chance of capturing the photo for Vyv in daylight,” Ignis said, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “Might I suggest we make a stop at the Cauthess Rest Area?” Again, they were looking to Noct for a decision. He shrugged non-committedly.

“Sure.” It was a half-arsed answer, but he didn’t care; his head ached with a dull throb, and he could tell it was from more than just the Archean. Running a hand through his hair, he reached for the car door, ready to climb back in, when a frustratingly familiar drone grew ever louder.

“Imperials above us!” Prompto cried. The dropship hovered as its cargo filed out. A relatively small group of axemen now blocked their path.

“Just great,” Noct sighed as he called his sword.  _ Get it over with quick. The sooner they’re gone, the better. _

Prompto’s shrill battle cries in the heat of the fight, backed up by Gladio barking out everyone’s slip ups and Ignis’ barrage of commands sent Noct’s head spinning. He was blocking attacks well enough, striking whenever there was an opening, but he was sloppy, and he was pretty sure the others had noticed. He had to focus. Just focus on the enemy before you, focus on its every move, focus--

“Noct!” A voice behind him roared as an MT launched itself right at Noctis’ side, axe coming down and striking him in his arm. Gladio was soon there, smashing the unit to pieces as Noct staggered backwards, a dull tingle washing over him as his arm throbbed.

The last of the Magitek soldiers were down, and the older man marched up to Noct, getting far too close for comfort. “I may be your shield, but I didn’t spend years of my life training you to pick up after your sorry ass every battle.” His voice was restrained but daring; just begging for Noct to snipe back. Breath shortening, heart pounding hard in his ears, he kept his eyes locked with Gladio’s, not saying a word. After a few seconds, the man swore and shoved a potion in the prince’s hands, storming back to the car.

Noctis remained still for a few seconds, trying to process yet another layer of guilt and failure added to his ever growing pile.

 

By 5pm, they’d made it to the rest area. Gladio was quick to leave and secure the caravan for the night, much to Noct’s relief. Ignis was filling up the car, seemingly ignoring that Noctis was in no hurry to leave the comfort of the back seat. Elbow rested on the door, a hand rested on his head, he idly watched the people in the distance, drawing in deep breaths through his nose. A low rumble caused a few civilians to cry out in alarm; Noct barely had time to brace himself before Titan’s message bombarded his head once more. His grip tightened around his hair, pulling at it as he continued to drag increasingly shaky breaths through his nose. The tremors were gone within seconds, but the effects still remained - only now he could add nausea to the list.

It was a relief Ignis hadn’t noticed. Everyone seemed content in paying him no mind, and he was fine with that. He wasn’t sure if he was fine with how easily he was payed no concern, but that was a matter for another day.

A not-so-gentle nudge broke him out of his train of thought. Prompto was leaning into his direct view, grinning. “Come on, they’ll have our order ready soon. Help me pick it up!” Noct let out a low mumble in response before dragging himself out of the car finally, following him into the Crow’s Nest. Thankfully the blond had done all the hard work, all Noctis had to do was take a couple food cartons and some drinks over to the table by the caravan. Within minutes, they were all happily digging into their food.

Except for Noct. He still felt sick after that last headache, and the greasiness of the food wasn’t helping. Staring at his burger for a while, he glanced up at the sound of Ignis clearing his throat. “Something wrong, Noct?” he asked curiously. The prince shook his head slowly.

“Sorry. Just...not hungry, that’s all.” He was positive he would actually be hungry, if only his stomach would just stop turning at the sight and smell of the food before him.

“Probably still sulking after earlier,” Gladio mumbled. Ignis cast him a sharp look as Noctis visibly shrunk, keeping his eyes fixed on the burger in his hands. An awkward silence fell over the group as noct forced down another bite.

He considered his options. It should have been so easy to say something -  all he had to do was tell them about the headaches, about the thoughts that swirled wildly in his head, about, well,  _ all of it _ . Whatever  _ ‘it’ _ was. Heck, he could even pull any of them to the side and talk it out privately. He knew they’d all go with him, no question, but…

Ignis was pretty much keeping the group together. He handled the food, the stocks, the finances, even the schedule - as much of it as he could manage thanks to Noct’s sleeping habits, anyway. Adding one more thing to his ever-expanding list of concerns and responsibilities (most of which surrounded around Noctis anyway) was something he really didn’t want to do.

Gladio would listen, but right now he didn’t think he could take the verbal beating the shield would surely have for him. He’d let himself slip badly lately, both in combat and resolve. He knew he wasn’t going to avoid the full brunt of Gladio’s very specific brand of motivation, but as he felt now, that wasn’t an option he was willing to face.

Prompto was...Prompto was always pretty anxious. The number of times he’d reassured the poor boy, helping him to calm him down whenever he was in a state of panic, listening to whatever was troubling him, even actively seeking out any changes in behaviour so he could help before it got too bad. It was an exhausting job being so attentive to his friend’s mood, and there was no way he was going to lump that feeling onto Prompto. Especially when the blond was dealing with so much himself.

So he stayed quiet, as he always would; the mask of disinterest once again making him infuriating. But this way, he knew he wouldn’t be concerning the others with whatever the hell it was he was going through.

 

After choking back the majority of his meal, they opted to stay in the caravan for the rest of the evening. Noct sat against the headboard of the bed, with Prompto sat towards the foot. They were both playing a new phone game the blond had discovered, involving a team of adventurers, a strange underground city and a battle mechanic that could be best described as ‘sliding tiles meets extreme forward planning’.

Noct was content enough playing the earlier levels in silence. He wasn’t as far in the game as Prompto was, but he didn’t mind. It was a leisurely game to take his mind off his racing thoughts. It wasn’t perfect, but as he strategized which characters to move with each turn, it helped enough.

“Oh  _ what _ ?!” Prompto cried out suddenly, the grip on his phone tightening and his legs kicked out in annoyance. He started tapping harder on his phone, as if that would actually change anything. There were only a few brief seconds of silence. “Oh come on! I just moved, how are they attacking again?!  _ I’m _ supposed to attack!” Noct tried to push down the tense feeling in his stomach. “ _ What?! _ Oh man, this is taking forever, come oooonnn if you just let me-- It moved! I had the perfect set up and it  _ moved _ ! Can you believe it?!”

Noct’s heartbeat had picked up, a horrible feeling settling into the pit of his stomach as it struck off-rhythm, only making his head feel worse. Damnit, why now? He was usually so good at tuning out Prompto’s complaints when a game was professed as ‘cheating’. Every single ounce of frustration the blond felt, alongside the irritable glances exchanged between Ignis and Gladio, seemed to filter into him and only served to heighten the horrible wound up feeling inside. It was like a coil wound far too tightly; it had to give somehow. A quick look at his phone. Only 7:15pm. He wasn’t going to last.

He stood up suddenly, catching everyone off guard. “I’m going for a walk,” he said quietly, pacing out of the caravan as calmly as he could, almost slamming the door behind him as he thought he heard Prompto begin to call out an offer of company. He didn’t need that. Not right now. He needed time away to make his head right again. Then he could continue on like he wasn’t feeling everything crack and crumble around him.

Noct stormed off past the Crow’s Nest and through to the open fields behind the warehouses. Hands stuffed inelegantly into his pockets, he slowed his pace once he’d passed the wooden fencing surrounding the rest area. Some Garulas were minding their own business not too far away; he watched them absentmindedly as he continued walking, only snapping from his distraction at the sound of a growl.

Some Voretooths. Half a dozen, from what he could see. He summoned his daggers; at least he’d be able to work out some aggression on them. That was the plan, at least. His reactions were still dulled from his pounding head; his limbs felt frustratingly heavy, leading to extremely sloppy parries. He was winning, but it was nothing to brag about.

One of the creatures slashed into Noct’s leg before he could slam a dagger down into its skull. He could almost hear Gladio’s heated words picking up on his every mistake. Gritting his teeth, he threw his daggers at one of the remaining Voretooths, warping into it and killing it instantly. Just one to go. He glanced around - where was it? Something collided with his back, knocking him hard to the ground. Shoving his dagger where he could feel its claws digging in, he managed to knock it off, a final hoard of blows finishing it for good. He stood there for a moment, panting, before he slumped to the ground and sat quietly, staring at the dead animal before him. The whole fight should have been a good training opportunity - a chance to vent his frustrations. It only somehow managed to make him feel worse, his mind oh-so-helpfully recalling the many times his shield had more than a few things to say to his charge about his incompetency in battle.

He felt something wet his his arm. Then it hit his head. Then it began to hit everywhere. Rain.  _ Joy _ . He never liked rain much. Not when he was out in it, at least. It made his old back injury ache -  _ another thing that could hinder him in battle _ \- and at this point, he didn’t need that on top of the sting in his leg. Hauling himself to his feet, he headed around the backs of the warehouses as the rain began to get heavier. Darting in between two of the large buildings, he was thankful he could at least stay hidden from the others. He just needed time alone. That’s all.

One of the warehouses was open. He snuck inside, thankful for the shelter, before limping over to an empty cable reel and sitting on the ground next to it. He was kind of hidden; not amazingly, but it would do. Closing his eyes, he drew in a deep breath through his nose, letting it out slowly. He’d done this before more than a few times. Whether it was from the stress of his position as future king, worry for his father’s declining health, or the horrifying fact that it had all been taken away from him so quickly, he would excuse himself, catch his breath, mentally prepare, and no one would be any the wiser.

The rain pattered down on the steel roof. It was almost melodious as it rang throughout the open space. Okay, that was good. Distractions worked wonders on him. He just needed to focus on the sound of the rain, breathing deep, and everything else would melt away.

 

It wasn’t going away. A long while had passed, the sun almost set in the sky, but nothing had changed. His stupid head was being too damn loud today. Too loud and too painful. Drawing his knees up, he placed his arms on them, bringing his head down, forehead rested against them, grinding his teeth together. Now he was injured, wet and still miserable as ever. This wasn’t hard, why was he making this so hard?!

“Noct?” He visibly tensed up at Prompto’s voice. Shit, he’d been found. He didn’t move from his position, foolishly hoping he hadn’t been spotted. The approaching footsteps proved him otherwise. He could tell the blond was hovering, unsure what to make of the situation. Maybe if he was lucky, Prompto would think he was asleep, or that it was just ‘Noct time’ again and leave him to it. “Hey Noct, are you..?”  _ Don’t ask it. Don’t ask if I’m okay, I can’t lie this time. _

The rest of the question was lost as he heard Prompto sit down next to him. It was silent for a while, but Noct knew he was still there.

“So, um, I guess things have been pretty rough lately,” Prompto finally said with a nervous laugh. “I’m sure Gladio didn’t mean all that.”  _ He did. Of course he did. _ “Iggy lectured him a bit, told him to be more sensitive. I dunno if it worked, though…” Another silence. Noct couldn’t bring himself to say anything, preferring to keep his head down, fighting to keep his breathing in check. “You’re um...you’re not mad at me, are you?” Oh gods, there it was. Of course he was going to start blaming himself for it. This is why he never said anything in the first place. All he could manage in response was a shake of the head, made difficult from his current position, but Prompto could see it well enough. “That’s good,” he said, sighing with relief. “Do you...wanna talk about it?” Another shake of the head. As relieved as he was that  _ someone _ had noticed something wasn’t right, he’d been dreading it. He didn’t want to explain anything, he wanted to keep hiding it away someplace deep so it wasn’t an inconvenience. Why couldn’t he just fall apart and fix himself in peace?

The ground began to rumble once more. Of  _ course _ it would while he wasn’t alone. Noct let out a weak whine as he curled up on himself tighter, hands gripping his hair tightly, trying to fight past the pain.

“Woah, Noct, just breathe a second, okay?” What was Prompto talking about? He could breathe just  _ fine _ . He was even going to tell him as such, until his breath caught in his throat amidst a flurry of gasps for air. Okay, maybe he wasn’t breathing so well right now. His ears rang and his head felt light and fuzzy, but he could feel a firm hand rubbing his back in circles, hear Prompto’s voice gently encouraging him. It felt like far too long, but his lungs had finally calmed down. As much of a relief as that was, it merely brought back the ache in his head and the nausea he felt in a much more amplified way.

“Those headaches didn’t go away...did they?” Prompto asked quietly. His voice was so full of worry, it made Noct’s chest ache with guilt. They had known about the tremors’ effects on Noct the first couple of times, but he had assured them it had died down not long after. He almost wanted to laugh at how easily they believed everything he hid beside his apathetic facade. His fists finally loosened around his hair and he lowered them back to his knees, still not daring to meet his gaze with his friend.

“No,” he said, voice cracking slightly. He shrugged his shoulders. “Surprise, I guess.” He felt hands wrap around his own.

“How come you didn’t tell us?” Noct was sure Prompto would have figured it out. He probably wanted a spoken explanation. Noctis wasn’t sure if he was up for that. But then he realised he didn’t have much choice in the matter.

“You think I’m gonna pile on top of everyone else’s problems ‘cause of a few crummy headaches?” he asked rhetorically. Prompto’s exasperated sigh did not escape him.

“I like to think you’d tell us if you were in actual real bad  _ pain _ .” Prompto removed his hands and Noct could hear fumbling about. He lifted his head slightly to see what was happening.

“What are you..?”

“I’m calling Ignis, just a sec.”

“Wait, don’t!” Frantic eyes finally locked with bewildered eyes. Noct looked away again, embarrassed at the outburst. “He...doesn’t know this is still happening.”

“ _ Still _ happening?” Prompto repeated. “You’re not filling me with much confidence here, dude.”

“I…” he sighed. Did he really have to be doing this right now? “I used to panic a lot when I was young, after I went to Tenebrae. Nightmares, feelings, it was all too much. I got better, after a while. But then it came back and--”

“And you started hiding it,” Prompto finished. Noct’s averted gaze was all the confirmation the blond needed.

“I got scared I was going backwards or something. Everything hurts or feels empty and I don’t know how to fix it,” Noct admitted, mentally kicking himself for how quickly his entire rouse had become unravelled.

“You’re allowed to relapse, y’know. Happens to the best of us.” Prompto nudged Noct’s shoulder playfully, before grabbing his phone once more. A panicked expression set on Noct’s face again as Prompto smiled. “Relax, I’m just gonna tell him where we are. And I’m gonna tell him about those headaches too. You should come clean about the rest though.”

The phone rang only once before it was answered. “Hey Iggy, I found him, we’re hiding out in one of the warehouses while the rain clears up. ... He’s okay, those earthquakes are giving his head a bit of a rough ride, but he’ll be fine. ... Yeah, looks like they’re getting worse again. … Later.” Pocketing his phone, he turned his attention back to Noct, grinning. “See? All good.”

Noct couldn’t help but smile at the blond’s surprisingly calm attitude towards the whole thing. It seemed he’d greatly underestimated his friend with what he’d be able to handle. The small pang of guilt was quickly replaced by a feeling of pride as Prompto began explaining different ways to help stop a ‘noisy head’, especially if the usual methods didn’t work.

“Before I forget…” Prompto pulled out a potion and shoved it into Noct’s hands. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that blood running down your leg,” he added with a smirk. A small laugh left the prince’s lips as he downed it, sighing as the dull ache in both his leg and in his head lessened considerably.

Before long, they were talking like nothing had ever happened, about anything and everything. But Prompto was adamant he wasn’t going to let this pass. Noct had always taken the time to make sure he was okay - too much time, really. He had to do better as well.

By 9:45pm, the rain had finally died down and the two of them headed back towards the caravan. As they goofed around, kicking puddles at each other, laughing as they shoved each other playfully, Noct realised he hadn’t felt so invigorated in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> ~If anyone wants to come scream at me, I'm almost always hanging around my [creative](http://doodlebless.tumblr.com) and [fandom](http://angel-bless.tumblr.com) blogs~


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